You're Turning 50

 

Eric from Maryland asked me to write a version of "You're Turning..." for his wife Donna.

How romantic. I'm all over it!!!
 
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You're Turning 50
   

Happy birthday. You’re turning 50.
You really have come such a long way.
You’re turning 50. Happy birthday.
Your movement is noticeably slow.

 G
D
G
Am D G
   

You’re turning 50. Please no more Speedos.
Your mind says you’re still 30, but your body doesn’t think so.
Accept your limits. You’re always sleepy.
Don’t go to singles bars. You just look really creepy.
You’re turning 50. Stairways are tricky.
Elevators play your favorite songs.

 G
D
G
D
G
Am D G
   

When you were 40 you were somewhat active.
Now if you go jogging there’s no guarantee you’ll live.

 C
D
   
You’re turning 50. Your lover’s friendly.
A smile and a hug instead of sex is just aplenty.
Bedtime’s for sleeping. No, it’s not boring.
You try to pass out first so you don’t hear the snoring.
You’re turning 50. You’re only stiffy
Is in your neck or back if you slept wrong.		 G
D
G
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G
Am D G
   
When you were 30 you had all these grand ideas.
Now you’re busy plucking all the hair out of your ears.
Your body’s sagging. Your butt is dragging.
You’re glad you’re going deaf because your spouse is always nagging.		 C
G
C
D
   
Soon you’ll be 60 before you know it.
70 comes only if you’re careful and don’t blow it.
All your friends are in AARP.
You’re always bragging bout your pending colonoscopy.
One day you’re 80, if you can make it.
Your doctor is the only one who wants to see you naked.
You have his number and call him often.
Your next apartment’s gonna be little coffin.		 G
D
G
D
G
D
G
D
G
Am D G
   
Happy birthday. You’re turning 50.
Don’t worry you won’t remember this song.
Have fun tonight you’re not gonna live long.		  G
Am D G
Am D G